barbara walters just said penis...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
