i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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