oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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