I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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