My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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