Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
