At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
