Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Drake has all the answers
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
