you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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