My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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