Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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