So drunk its hurt
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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