i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
