my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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