Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
