I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize