a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
