Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
