im drinking this country out of the recession.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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