I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
