last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
