So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
