sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
