I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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