and you said cock pushups were impossible
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
