I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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