i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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