I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
