ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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