If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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