I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Drake has all the answers
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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