Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
