i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
