i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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