Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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