So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize