don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
