I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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