His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
