Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
