I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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