yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize