when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
