At least make sure they are 18
Why
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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