i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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