I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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