Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We just shotgunned beers for America
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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