it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
