you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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