Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
