Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
