That's intense
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
