Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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