If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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