it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
