I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
accomplished twins. life is a go
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize