drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
