Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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