It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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