Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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