You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
