My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
