Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
