My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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