apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
