What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
