just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
