did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
