You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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