Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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