Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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