All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
