Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
