i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
