You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
