Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
