i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
