im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
