I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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