worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
