K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize