Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is it because I queefed?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
