We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize