If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
