You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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