Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Let's paint friendship bongs
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
