My room smells like vodka and shame
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
