wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
