i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
