I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
