i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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