I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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