If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
