This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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