i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
