The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
