Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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