i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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