I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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