I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Less talking, more tequila
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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