Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
