I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
