Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
