I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
