i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
