You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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