Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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