Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize