The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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