am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
there is glitter all over my balls
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