the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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