Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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