I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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