Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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