The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
