So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
