i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize