And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
